Got a difference of opinion? Bring it on...
Angie@thefishingoddess.com
Want to email me how much you love or hate me? Come on let me make a fool out of you or sing your praises. Worried about being embarrassed? How come? It's just the internet...
THIS SITE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK AND SENSITIVE OUTDOORSMAN!
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED THEN GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SITE!
MISSION STATEMENT...
Just look at me as the self proclaimed warrior against yuppies and geeks taking over our beloved outdoor sports and ruining them by jacking up the prices, scaring the game, getting in our way and worse of all having to look or deal with these dumbasses.
MENTAL NOTE...
When we refer to fly fishermen and we are making fun of them we are refering to Purist Fly Fishermen or what I'd like to call...
DESIGNER FLY FISHERMEN
Most fly fishermen are way cool it's just a few of them that ruin it for the many and they must be stoppppppped!!!
SECOND WARNING...
My web site is not a reliable source of information. All content is based on hearsay, my personal opinion and fiction. None of these facts are checked by anyone not even me. In fact most of the time I can't even tell what is reality or what I dreamed last night. Yes, my dreams are that real.
COUNTER FROM MY SITE STATISTIC'S PAGE
1,681,149 viewers... That's about 40,000 hits a week folks. WOW, OVER A MILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY WEB SITE!
SCARY ISN'T IT? BTW I get fan mail from Germany to Australia. I'm loved around the world and toted as one of the best fisher women that ever held a rod (could that be misconstrued?).
My My My... A lot of people just READ my site. What about the rest of yous fishing sites? That's right they just come there to post bullshit on forums and no one reads what you really have to say.
What does this mean? That you're about as entertaining as silt on a river rock. Oh OUCH!!!! If I had a forum to estimate my site number just quadruple it if you want to accurately compare me to other sites
I’m so proud of my children that I could cry. I have reached the pinnacle of success in my job as a mother and made them the best little sarcastic creatures that any rancidic sense of humor parent would be proud of... Not only did I get lobster tails and fillet mignon for dinner they took me to see “Kill Bill II The Movie”. A movie so dedicated to the honorable role of motherhood that I was bawling at the end of it.
Yes, “Kill Bill II” is that emotionally charged especially for people like me.
The card they gave me goes something like this...
For My Mom
Your example has given me footsteps to follow
Your love has given me wings to fly
Your spirit will always be part of me
I love you!
After “the little monsters” got a hold of it...
For My Mom
Your example has given me footsteps not to follow
Your love has given me wings to fly away as fast as I can
Your mean spirit will always be a part of me
But we still love you!
Makes ya just want to cry huh?
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYONE and hope all you lame ass fathers showed your appreciation if not I’d sure hate to see what Uma does to you.
ANYWAYS...
Let’s talk conspiracy theories...
Here I go again about conspiracy theories! What’s up with that you all ask? Well, I just don’t know what to tell you. Every time I turn around I am inundated and blasted with this that and the other thing. So I’m going to put a blame to all these conspiracy theories, where they originated and why they are successful.
It’s all the fault of the politically correct dumbass.
Yes, she said dumbass.
Don’t believe me? Well, folks who do you think is behind every conspiracy? Oh, God here I go answering all your questions again. Don’t you all ever speak up?
The Republicans
Who are the worse of the worse when it comes to being “Politically Correct”
The Republicans
Who fixed the election down in Florida so that they could get Mister Retard into office? President Bush? More like President Shrub, President Weed or better yet President Spore. (Only plant lovers will get this reference). Yeah, sure all the Jewish Retirees voted for President Spore in the South Beach District. Jews just lovvveeeee the Republicans!
Who lied to us so that he could finish his daddy’s psychotic war?
The Republicans and President Spore
Who killed Kennedy because he didn’t want to start a cold war on Communism because he figured that everything could be talked about in a reasonable manner and settled like any good foreign policy leader?
The Republicans okay or how bout the “War Machine”
Who’s in charge of the “War Machine” or who is the “War Machine” in charge of?
The Republicans
Okay, this is suppose to be about fishing so where am I going with this?
Has anyone drove down Hwy 20 to East of the Mountains lately?
Notice the gauntlet of clear cuts. Never afore seen anywhere except back in the good old days. Please also note all the mudslides forming.
What is the “War Machine” errrrrrrr Republicans excuse for all this rape?
It’s for the children so they can have better schools. (errrr to rebuild their big fuck up IRAQ)
Here's a few spawning fish pictures some we refuse to even remove from the water, yuck but since we can't hold fish out of the water anymores might as well take a stupid picture... And why don't we have a picture of this last fish? Because Angie couldn't see the fish coming out of the water due to the chop.
It was a nice big chromer too. Oh well life sucks and then you use "Chappy's" cheap ass net...
It’s for the children. (errrrrrrrrr to control the media so that we can go back to the good ol’ days of the “War Machine” telling us how to live our lives)
What do politically correct dumbasses use all the time for their “Mantra”?
It’s for the children. i.e. Howard Stern is bad for the children.
Howard Stern is on in the mornings when “the children” are in school. Plus, children don’t want to listen to Howard Stern because he’s stupid and old and totally not cool, same with Tom Lycos, same with all these old guys. Plus you ever see a child LISTEN to a talk show? I do believe that all they listen to is MUSIC and could give a shit.
Now we have and this is the point...
The “War Machine” telling us that hatchery brood stock fish and this is not to be confused with them Skamania Pieces of shit that the WDFW stocked our rivers with in the 70s are exactly the same as native fish. Oopsy folks, they are to be confused with them! Yes, I can’t believe it either Orvis Boy corrected me on that note. Hatcheries will save the day so that the “War Machine” can be funded with letting the damns over floweth with bits and pieces of smolts, allowing people to build on wet lands, and greed greed greed will fund the “War Machine”.
AND WHO IS THE LEADER AND CAUSE OF MILLIONS OF SMOLTS NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO OVER THE DAMS AND WILL NOW BECOME SEAGULL FEED?
WHY MARK RUTNICK, the lawyer that has found an excuse and a way to get all of our salmon and steelhead out of the ESA listing. He is advising that there is no genetic difference between hatchery and wild fish so that concrete tanked raised fish will save the day and they don’t have to be listed as endangered or no special effort has to be made to help the wild salmon or the steelhead.
How the man sleeps at night I have no fucking idea? Want to comment and tell him what an asshole he is because he will be the cause of the destruction of the Columbia River System Salmon and Steelhead?
Email him or write to him at...
RUTZICK, MARK C
NOAA GC
Herbert C. Hoover Building
14th & Constitution Avenue, NW
Room 5814A
Washington, DC. 20230
PH: (202)482-4080
FAX:(202)482-4893
email: Mark.Rutzick@noaa.gov
SPEAKING OF WAR MACHINES...
WHY THE UCK IS IT THAT EVERY TIME A REPUBLICAN IS IN OFFICE WE GO TO WAR? EVEN IN THIS MODERN DAY AND AGE WHERE PEOPLE AVOID WAR AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WE ARE NOW MAKING UP EXCUSES SO WE CAN HAVE ONE!!!!
“In the fields the bodies burning------ as the war machine keeps turning---- Heedless minds that plot destruction----- blah blah blah (can’t understand his mumblings) Oh LORD YEAH!“ Ozzy Ozbourne
Now you’re all saying I’ve lost it, right?
Nahhhhh---- I’m saying that whenever we get a Republican in office the same old shit happens, we forget about it and then it takes two terms of Democrats to wipe the memories away, balance the budget, save the environment and fix our reputation out there in the World.
I mean it’s getting so bad that Republicans have to fix the election so that they can even get elected nowadays and have their hay day every 10 years. Isn’t it funny that people aren’t forgetting anymore?
My highlights of the 80s
The movie “The Day After” Reagan used the media to scare us into submission and to thinking he was one of the greatest Presidents ever. You all have to remember “The Day After” I’m surprise that mother fucker didn’t star in it.
George Bush Seniors Quote...”We will have no net loss of wet lands”.
So does that mean if I put in a swimming pool in replace of a swamp it counts?
Bass Fishing and Turkey Hunting. Goddamn it you all are too STUPID to live... Nice Jakes Orting Boy!
Quick and painless and no bombing, I think the “War Machine” likes to play with their little weapons to see if they work. Who can blame them? I love playing video games and destroying stuff. Maybe we should buy the “War Machine” video games, President Shrub so stupid that he wouldn’t know the difference. Wouldn’t that save us a shit load of money? I think I’ve found the answer to world peace.
SO WHERE THE HELL IS ANGIE GOING WITH ALL THIS?
You can only get stupid bad things done by being politically correct. What I’m noticing about the WDFW Processes and with groups like the WSC for all of you that don’t know what the WSC is, it’s the Wild Steelhead Coalition.
You know the group that “jerry rigged” or “nigger rigged” (what rigged is more racist “jerry” is racist against Germans and we won’t touch the other one) the Sports Commission to pass that stupid Moratorium where you can’t kill native steelhead in Washington State which caused the biggest native steelhead kill ever and what does it matter since according to the “War Machine” they are genetically the same as hatchery fish thus there is just a SHITLOAD OF THEM NOW!
So Miss Angie decided to email one of their leaders Todd Ripley. You all know Todd Ripley as the internet ambassador for the WSC. He’s always on Pissy Hissy Pursuit’s Board talking about how wonderful they are. You know the guy holding that big dark buck that looked like it was pulled off of a spawning red with pride as his icon. Something the members of the WSC are famous for.
See I always thought that the WSC was against killing wild steelhead because they were so stupid that they couldn’t catch them so they were blaming everyone and every thing else and of course they just have to be ENDANGERED. Though I still believe this is the main reason why they formed.
Now why would Angie say this? And where is she going with this?
At one point Miss Angie was thinking about joining the WSC. I am all for saving the mighty and lovely wild steelhead so what the heck. So with Orvis Boy in tow I went to a meeting one Tuesday Night and instead of finding a bunch of studly hunters and fishermen yelling and snorting about the injustices of Native American Netting and what can be done about it.
I walked into the biggest geek fest ever.
When I talk about geeks I’m talking about geeks. I guess I should of known that this would be what I would find when I pulled up into the driving lot and instead of finding a bunch of manly trucks all I saw were Subaru Outbacks. YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRIVE GUYS AND HEY, I HAPPEN TO OWN ONE AND I CALL IT MY MOMMY CAR!
I swear to God I’m not joking GUYS.
Sure there were four guys out of 50 that were human but the rest of them all were really scary. You know skinny little anorexic arms, polo shirts, balding heads everywhere where the guys weren’t even cool enough to shave all the way, can we say comb overs? (I love bald men as long as they go all the way baby.) The other half were fat out of shape men (you know you men can have pot bellies but still be in shape don’t ya?). Men you know that never fish. This one 500 pounder was telling me how much he fished the Sauk. In my 7 years of fishing it once to three times a week during steelhead season I think I would of remember an olive five man tent swinging a spey rod.
Now is Angie being mean? Of course not. I know that most of the population consists of unattractive people and I thank God everyday that he made me as pretty as I am but I do have a point and I’ll get to it really soon.
http://www.piscessportfishing.com/aboutus.html on the Tracy-Ann with Julio as the captain, the boat is a 31 foot betram, it could fish 6 but I chartered it with just my girlfriend and myself. Price was $580.00 for the day, which included
food and beer, bait, license, and filleting.
The boat is clean, has a bathroom, and a small galley, as well as plenty of room to take a nap. Julio was a great captain, he has only killed 1 marlin in the last 4 years and that one I caught was released, from the picture it does look like there is a slit in the stomach but it is not. He speaks pretty good English and will talk but you got to get him started.
I liked Tracy-Ann better than the Flyhooker which I fished in 2003, www.flyhooker.com they (pisces) just seemed more professional and the boat was set up way better. I stayed at the Finnesterra and the view was pretty good from our room and it is just a short walk or cab ride to downtown. You better save your money if you are going to Cabo it is expensive to do just about anything down there.
MIKE HUSS
And when these physical atrocities do go fishing and hunting and aren’t successful at it who do you think they are going to blame? Not themselves, that’s for sure because remember they still are men and we all know that men never blame their own inadequacies on themselves.
So you have “the geek freaks” running things for all you sportsmen out there. Don’t believe me? Why don’t you go to a Sports Advisory Meeting wit me? Want to talk about scary. As I sit there and listen to fat out of shape guy after fat out of shape guy who’s only physical prowess is reeling up a down rigger and steering the boat talk about how us River Fishermen should fish it pisses me beyond off.
Yup, all you avid sportsmen out there have nothing but yourselves to blame. If you aren’t going to take the time out of your busy schedules of screwing your hot skinny wives, playing with your beautiful children, and take one day off of lifting weights then I hope everything they want gets passed.
Oh, and why is Angie involved? Because some WDFW Members that are like you think that I’m obnoxious enough to do something and guilted me into it. Bastards... I mean do you all really think I want to sit there and listen to these people try to scream out some semblance of self importance at these stupid MARCH Meetings? Do you really think I want to take a day out of MY MARCH and socialize with some of these people that in the normal world I wouldn’t even look at except to feel pity for them?
Next year I’m going to start bringing in REAL FISHERMEN at these meetings. I’m going to form a posse of studs and make them go. So I won’t be the only one going...
“Hey, you “downrigger fat ass” that magic dehooker device just doesn’t seem to work in the strong current of the river to get my size 4 hook out of a fish’s mouth in my drift boat. It’s a stupid rule and dangerous that you can’t take a fish out of the water. Can any of you lazy salt water freaks tell me how to get the fish to lay still?”
They just laugh. Oh, fishing is the same everywhere. Ha ha ha ha
But you know my brethren it is all your own fault out there if these guys take over and make even more stupid rules for us. When these thoughts cross your mind while you are fishing...
Man, it sucks that I just lost that 18 pound steelhead because of that damn barbless plug.
Or
Man, look at all the fish rolling and they won’t bite a thing wish I could use bait.
Or
Man, damn barbless size 2 fly. That huge fish just jumped right off of my hook.
Or my favorite and be warned my fly fishing brethren you don’t think this can happen to you too?
Man, I can’t get my fly down. Why did they outlaw sink tips? Floating lines suck.
Don’t believe me? Listen to some of these freak debates that they have and what’s the difference between making fly fishermen use floating lines instead of sink tips to where we place our corkies on a rigging? HUH?
Insert on how not to be a geek...
NOW WAS THAT A DIGRESSION!!!
It’s not like you actually see Rob Endsley one of the only NORMAL DECENT FISHERMAN at any of the meetings and he lives in Lake Stevens now so there’s no excuse for him not to attend. He just puts his name on the web site as their West Side Ambassador so that he gets all them C&R Nazi trips. Rob’s not stupid and kudos to him.
Of course Todd didn’t appreciate me making fun of the geeks and freaks that constituted his beloved cause and of course Todd didn’t like me blaming the WSC for one of the biggest native fish killing streaks of all time. But when I mentioned the following quote made by one its members...
“We need to show the tribes to not kill native steelhead by example”
Todd actually spoke to me in “real sportsman language”. See Todd is one of the other normal sportsman in the group, but he fails to realize that when he uses his “Geek & Freak Politically Correct Language” that the 10% of the geeks and freaks he’s talking to it doesn’t translate to the “real sportsmen” out there. So when we talked about the WSC stance on trying to stop the Native Americans from netting he actually made me want to join the WSC.
“Reporting of actual catch is sketchy at best from both tribal and non-tribal fishermen, and no one knows really how many are being caught and not reported, not to mention those that are just flat out poached above I-5, or after the season ends. The Hoh has had run sizes sufficient to make escapement the last six years, yet has not made it, due to harvest. Had the reported sport harvest not taken place, the Hoh would have made escapement...same with the tribal harvest. The tribes' catch can only be changed through negotiations, unless Congress decides to stop them, which I don't see happening. Too many people nationwide who see the "poor Indians" just scraping by, "catching fish to survive"... blah, blah, blah.
Part of the idea of WSR is to make the Indians the only ones directly harvesting wild steelhead, it's a bargaining position that would help us out. The PR would be pretty bad if they are the only ones. Did you see the Quileutes comments re: WSR? They didn't like it because they thought it would foster "public resentment" about them exercising their treaty fishing rights. Damn right it would...bad PR is what we need to slow or stop their fishihng. All the bonkers who have the idea that "if the Indians are fishing, then so am I!"...well, that works both ways. They don't look nearly as bad when we're doing it, too. We certainly don't have any higher position to argue from.”
See this is a message the “real sportsmen” and I can get behind it, except I am wondering who is poaching above I-5 and what river that is supposed to be. Maybe he meant 101 AND AGAIN WHY WOULD YOU POACH THE PENINSULA RIVERS ABOVE HWY 101 WHEN YOU CAN LEGALLY KILL BELOW THEM?
What these “Geek & Freak” groups don’t realize is that their message is lost to most people in their politically correct presentation of their message. If you want to get your message across to the people that matter the guys that watch porn, enjoy killing things from Elk down to innocent squirrels, and burp fart and swear and yes, these are the real sportsmen and they do constitute the majority.
You have to angle your message at them.
BE LIKE A GODDAMN BEER COMMERCIAL IN OTHER WORDS...HIRE THE TWINS HOLDING A WILD STEELHEAD BETWEEN THEIR BREASTS SAYING “A REAL MAN KNOWS WHEN TO RELEASE AND CAN CONTROL IT”.
Why the hell do you think my web site is so popular? I want to reach the real sportsman. I don’t want to reach the touchy feely guys they don’t get shit done because that is what they are touchy feely and they don’t book trips. Sure I’ve been criticize for my use of foul language and medieval ways of getting my messages across but here’s the thing.
I GET MY MESSAGE ACROSS AND I GET PEOPLE PISSED OFF TO DO SOMETHING.
They can’t say that and remember folks if you want to get people to do stuff you got to...
PISS THE MOTHER UCKERS OFF...
Now I’m going to turn to fishing after some more political crap.
I have bad bad news for you sportsmen out there. One of the gear supporters on the Sports Fishing Committee is retiring due to disgust at what he sees occurring in the politics of fishing and they are going to appoint...
ANOTHER UCKIN DUMB ASS WOMAN TO THE BOARD.
Shouldn’t Angie be happy that another woman is going to be a fishing advisor?
HELL NO! Are you all nuts? Like I’ve said before I think I’m the only woman in the State or fisherman in the State for that matter, that knows what is going on because I fish all the time, everywhere, and talk to everyone. I want what’s fair to the fish and fair to the fisherman and to stop Native Netting. I see all sides and I have no vested commercial interest, I have no quest for power and I just want things made fair and “even steven”.
DO YOU THINK THE KATHY CHICK WHO IS THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF ECOLOGY WANTS THE SAME THING?
Plus, folks hate to say this but women that are in a “man’s world”. I love that statement. How can you call it a “man’s world” when there are no real men in it? ha ha ha ha. Are easily swayed especially when they don’t know “dick” and I say that with impunity, about the subject matter.
She’ll just be another pawn like the “President of the Northwest Women’s Fly Fishing Club”.
But there is hope she hasn’t been appointed yet so hey, one and all write your representative or figure out how to complain now about. If you don’t...
You only have yourselves to blame.
What gets me about all this is the fact that it is suppose to be a Committee for Sportsfishing Rules so why don’t they appoint someone that actually fishes? I bet the “Head of the Department of Ecology” fishes all the fucking time. Ya think?
We all know that Miss Angie only gets to fish once a week due to the fact that she is working a normal happy job at a restaurant now. Which one you ask? I’ll tell you alls when I make bartender and put up pretty pictures of the beautiful women I work with. I told my boss I could have that bar full once a week if I was made bartender with my brethren but until he makes me bartender like he promised I ain’t going to advertise for him. I don’t do anything for free.
Well, I’ve been a Springer Fishing and was really upset last week when I missed the wave by being early by two days and then I missed the huge wave by being late two days. And if you are Springer Fishing where should you be?
Not on the Peninsula that’s for sure. They’re only getting a couple thousand back. Uckin YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEE Four rivers getting 5,000 Springers back all together or each river in SW Washington getting 2,000 to 6,000 back a piece.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm where would I go?
You should be down in Southwest Washington or on one of the Mighty Columbia Tributaries. You all can figure out the rest. Only thing I’m going to advise is go now, GO now, and GO NOW!
I’m actually not the greatest Springer Fisherman because I have just begun to get focused on Spring Chinook in the last three years. Before I was obsessed with steelhead till I got bored with their tiny size and not being able to eat them. Now I’ve been learning a lot as fast as I can and have found that every situation and river is different and you should do a lot of research to figure things out plus be super duper open minded. The main advice I have for all of you that are finally realizing that it takes more skill to catch Springers (Fall Chinook are just stupid, easy to catch and taste like shit) than it does Steelhead is...
LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE THAT CATCH THEM
After we fished last week, my buddy Chappy spent every other day driving the two to three hour drive from Seattle at 1:30am in the morning to figure out one of our favorite rivers. Sure I knew how to fish the Canyon of it but I was never very successful in the drifting end of things and that was because...
I DIDN’T ADAPT AND I DIDN’T GET UP AT 1:30AM IN THE MORNING.
I mean where I go Springer Fishing I can get them anywhere on my system with Kwik Fish without the anchovie wrap believe it or not, but these particular fish want no part of the Kwik Fish scene so Chappy figured out the perfect bait diver technique.
And I know you’re all going “but bait divers are easy” so you guys are a bunch of dumbasses. Actually there are a few little quirks that you have to iron out and the main thing with Springers is that they are still feeding when in the river because remember folks they don’t start spawning till August so they are holding up in holes till then.
So the trick is to know that once you get them interested in your bait on your bait divers, is when to set the hook as your rod is being munched, because after Chappy went through at least 30 fish trying to figure it out he only got 1/3rd of them.
When your rod gets its first quick hit some times the Springer has just wacked it with its tail to try to disable it as it would its prey out in the ocean. When this happens you have to just wait because the bastard will come back. As you wait however you have to not move, not touch the rod and BE QUIET as in no foot stomping or movement.
When the fat bastard returns and it will return in the low light of the morning but not usually in the bright sun of the afternoon, and starts chewing on it and you feel you are going to just explode wanting to set the hook, you wait till there is a forward motion of your rod tip. What do I mean by forward motion? I mean where it just doesn’t go straight up and down with a chomp chomp chomp but it goes forward in a chomp chomp chomp.
I do find fishing Springers with bait divers nerve racking and would rather fish them with Kwik Fish where the good ol’ slam just occurs and you don’t have to judge when to set the hook, but again depending on the rivers them Kwik Fish just don’t work.
Another thing with Springers if they are over 20 pounds you’re setting the hook into a rock so you need to set the hook a couple of times. When you do the first brutal hook set and you can feel that the fish is huge like you just drug him a couple of feet and he’s “not in the mood to pull back because you are so small and insignificant” do a couple more brutal quick wacks. Remember their mouths are super hard as a Sockeye fish’s mouth is super soft.
Am I going again this mouth? Sure after another big rain, but stay tuned because one of my old clients Alan who learned the intricacies of bait divers the hard way, is taking me to the tidal waters of Tillamook to bobber fish for Springers. Now that’s going to be “the Shit”. He tells me there is nothing like watching the Springer go all the way across the flat after your eggs. It’s like wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cool.
Damn I gotta get going.
Alan wanted my picture so to make the fish look big I used the "Booby Balless Technique" from Piscatorial Pursuits. Hold the head forward and the tail up. Booby perfected the technique because we all know that the guy never catches big fish since he fishes above the nets on the Oly Pen and only the little ones squeak by. Sounds like fun to me!
Chappy and Scotty go a fishin on the Lewis. Scotty is at the boat launch cleaning three beautiful fat charged hatchery springers. A fly fisherman walks up to Scotty and says...
“How can you kill those beautiful fish? If I would of caught them I would of put them back.”
Scotty looks at the fly fishermen and shakes his head in pain and confusion as to WHY ANY DUMBASS WOULD PUT BACK A HATCHERY SPRINGER and goes...
“If I saw you put back a hatchery spawned fish to let is spawn with wild fish and ruin the genetic pool I’d take it from you and kick your stupid ass.”
PEOPLE I DO NOT I REPEAT I DO NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP! And yes I too, get a headache trying to figure out why a fly fisherman would put back a hatchery springer. Bet he was one of them purists that thought it was a large steelhead because he taint caught either before.
Funny quote of the week...
When talking about them stupid small of the back tattoos on women, Chappy says...
“You need a bigger tattoo or a smaller ass.”
Stay tune for three new pages in the next month.
“HOW TO HIRE A GUIDE IN WASHINGTON STATE FOR THE BEST FISHING POSSIBILITIES” this page is just going to piss people off but hey, if you want a quality Washington Fishing experience when you visit then listen to me otherwise you deserve to get your ass ripped off.
“MY SALMON PAGE” You want to catch salmon in Washington State and lots of them, then you go with me and you’ll find out why.
“ANGIE’S FAVORITE PRODUCTS” See what I love to use and why. Put it this way I don’t go cheap on my products because going cheap doesn’t get you the big fish. You’ll also find out that I don’t get 27,000 hits a week I get 50,000 hits.
aboard my friend Brian Abbott's Two Dog Charters last year. I am starting
to get restless with all this rain:)
GO TO WESTPORT IN JUNE AND JULY GO TO WESTPORT IN JUNE AND JULY
But whatever you do don't go with the charter guys that are on the Sports Advisory Committee. Who are they you ask?
Gordy Bentler (Neah Bay) , Walt Blendermann (Port Townsend can't remember if he's a charter) & Mark Cedergreen (Westport) they think you all should fish for kings in early July in Seiku and you should use the "magic dehooker device" on the river...
They sure care about your fishing experience. Ya think?
This guy is Pro Catch and Release like the rest of us but it looks like he's just plain pissed and he's from OREGON...
Sounds like I’m wacked?
Sounds like I’ve fallen for one of them uckin conspiracy theories?
Sound like I’ve had one too many tequila drinks?
Sorry boyz...
FIRST MAJOR DIGRESSION OF THE DAY SPEAKING OF TEQUILA
Attention Fishermen! The Agave Plant Supply of Mexico has now almost ran out, because of the lack of hindsight prevalent in most third world countries they forgot to plant some 12 years ago. The Agave Plants are now too immature to produce tequila, it takes 12 years for the plant to mature. What does this mean?
THAT IN FIVE YEARS TEQUILA WILL BE LIQUID GOLD FOLKS.
It also means that them two cases I bought I buried in the back yard. I am already finding Orvis Boy with shovel in hand scratching his butt on our deck trying to figure out where I buried the shit, but it wasn’t my backyard I buried the cases in. Ma ha ha ha
But I digress...
So I read the Economist a couple of months ago. All of you educated folks know that the Economist is a magazine published in the U.K., right? (For all of you uneducated folks that’s them British Redcoat folk that we stomped, kicked the shit out of and threw out of the country 225 years ago, U.K. stands for the United Kingdom) It’s the British Magazine that gives us the world news without that American Edge to it.
You know like not telling us the truth, and leaving important things out like how many people actually died and why ( Am I hinting at our Israel allies? Nasty buggers wouldn’t want to mess with them. You think Palestine inflicts pain? Israel inflicts mortal wounds and of course we NEVER hear about it.), and everything is ever so politically correct and hunky dory, but we ain’t going to touch political correctness till way down the page folks and it’s gonna be a dousy.
That the Russian Mafia is running a 3 Billion Dollar a year illegal fishery. Yes, folks these Russian Mafia Fellas have an ILLEGAL FLEET with ILLEGAL FISHERMEN and they are ILLEGALLY going into International waters and not paying any attention to anyone’s treaties or limits or whatsoever...
So what does that mean, Miss Angie?
Goddamn it I said Russian Mafia, three billion dollars and illegal harvesting of other countries’ fish and us not having any balls to do anything about it because we don’t want to waste money because we have fish farms and who the hell cares about native fish let alone sportsmen?
I don’t feel I need to explain it do I?
You want me to explain it? Okay, we have a bunch of fat bearded Russians swinging Vodka bottles around with random shipmates puking over the side in high water, singing drunken folk songs as they steal our fish. They net and net and net and their red capillary pocked faces swell with pride and smiles as their delapitated fleets limp back to port, bays swollen with the endangered fish of some Northwestern Streams.
So now I want you to read the following article about Vancouver Island. I hope none of you feel too bad about having booked trips there for steelhead the last five years and couldn’t figure out why you couldn’t catch dick. You do know that all the guides out there knew about this or had a notion...
Yup, I would just have love to fish the Gold when only 900 fish were coming back (last year) when it used to be 5,000 (only a few years ago). Yes, that guide didn’t rip my ass off. I hope he took me this year TOO, because they only got 35 back. Talk about a fishermen’s challenge!
Here’s a summary of the article but you better read it just to reinforce its information...
Vancouver Island has been practicing C&R for 20 years.
Vancouver Island has a strong salmon return and lots of dead carcasses for steelhead smolts to feed on.
Their habitat is wayyyy better than ours.
When did their numbers start to dwindle?
When did Communism cease to exist?
Coincidence?
Where do our Northwest Steelhead go?
Class?
Classssssss?
Class? Class? CLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS?
Remember Sister Mary Elephant from Cheez and Chong? Imagine that voice.
Why, they go to Siberian Waters and all the way to Japan! Miss Angie!
Also, do you think anything is even alive within 1,000 miles of Japan? I bet the ocean floor looks like some Japanese Locusts have traveled on through. I like to envision tiny little black haired Japanese People with huge teeth crawling across the ocean floor munching like cows along the way. Hey, come on these people eat ANYTHING!
I bet the ocean floor is so desolate over there that the only thing that is alive is some weird algae like substance but I’m sure that our Japanese friends have found a way to eat that too! Weird gray/green algae taste great on chicken!
And why is it that Asian Countries have no ethics or any common sense when it comes to managing their own natural resources? They’re so stupid that they just completely wipe out their own with out nary a thought.
Don’t believe me?
Why do most beach residents of Hood Canal own Rott Weilers? To sic them on Asian beach rapists you dumb asses. And I use to think that all them tide pools along the beaches were sterile because of pollution.
I love when I see a ranger giving a ticket to some Chinese guy that bonks a sea cucumber. Give him uckin life! I say! You want to talk about me getting wayyy more upset over an illegally harvested sea cucumber than a steelhead? I had a pet one down in Tittlo Beach where I grew up as a kid in Tacoma, his name was Fred and he was the cutest sea cucumber you ever saw. Anyone who’s anyone from that area knows that the tide pools down there use to ROCK!
Oh, am I being racist?
Hell no! I’m sure the Japanese and other Asian countries were like us.
They had a clam season!
Sure did. Clamming season was till they ate them all!
Why don’t they have very many flowering shrubs in their native habitat?
Most were edible and they ate them all too!
My favorite story was when Orvis Boy went to Korea. He was hiking through the woods with his Korean Guide and notice that there were no sounds of the forest occurring. He asked his Korean Guide why there were no animal noises, which is what I refer to as sounds of the forest. The Korean Guide answered with...
“The hunters have eaten them all!”
Am I being racist?
Hell no! It’s not like Americans haven’t DDT’d their birds to sterilization and killed off every frickin honey bee, but at least we learned, at least we stopped and at least
WE HAVE SOMETHING LEFT... and ARE TRYING TO SAVE IT!
Come on but what do you expect about people that think the powder of a rhino horn or dried sea horse makes you more virile and gives you a hard on.
What do you expect really...?
They had a fun 12 fish day with them baby Oregon fish. Steve tried to make me feel bad by rubbing it in, but as I said before...
I'M SICK OF SMALL FISH AND WANT TO LAND ONE OF THEM 20 POUNDERS I ALWAYS RUN ACROSS.
I'M THE QUEEN OF BIG STEELHEAD AND THIS YEAR I CAN'T LAND ANY OF THEM.
B.C. salmon: something's not fishy
ByMARK HUME * Toronto Globe and Mail
Something dreadful is happening to the rivers on Vancouver Island. Pool by pool, riffle by riffle, they are dying.
To a casual passerby, glancing down from one of the slick new bridges on the Island Highway, nothing seems amiss. Rivers like the Cowichan, Nanaimo, Little Qualicum, Englishman, Trent and Tsable look just as beautiful as ever, running from under the mossy, green forests to the blue waters of Georgia Strait.
Mike McCulloch knows better.
Mr. McCulloch, a fisheries technician with the B.C. Conservation Foundation, helps organize small teams of swimmers that are responsible for taking an unusual annual census. They pull on wet suits against the bone-numbing cold, and snorkel the rivers that flow out of Vancouver Island's rugged mountains. They are looking for an increasingly rare species of salmon known as steelhead. They aren't finding many.
The Gold River, on Vancouver Island's West Coast, historically had runs of as many as 5,000 steelhead.
Last year, swimmers counted 900; this year they found 35.
"The magnitude of decline is overwhelming," said Mr. McCulloch. There are worse statistics. In the little Trent River, which should have 100 steelhead, the snorkel team found only two. Both females.
In Goldstream, a small river just outside Victoria that spills from one dappled pool to another, there should be several hundred steelhead waiting to spawn. The swimmers found none.
The trend is repeated in river after river. The fish population data, compiled by swimmers who peer under banks and dive into the gloomy darkness of deep pools, is mathematically plotting the path to extinction.
"When you get down to one or two fish in a stream we call it quasi-extinction," Mr. McCulloch said. "At zero, it is termed extirpation, meaning the species is extinct locally."
Steelhead rivers on Vancouver Island have been in trouble for several years, but never have the numbers been so low. "It's a situation that's getting quite desperate," Mr. McCulloch said. "We're only a life cycle away from a spiral into oblivion."
Steelhead aren't like other salmon on the Pacific Coast. They are believed to be the progenitor species, the fish that spawned all the other kinds of salmon.
There are six species of wild Pacific salmon, each filling its own niche in the ecosystem. Some, like pinks, are small but prolific. Others, like chinook, are fewer in number but grow to immense sizes. But only one, the steelhead, survives spawning. The irony is that, for reasons not fully understood, steelhead, the survivors, are now dying out as a species.
Mr. McCulloch said habitat destruction is part of the problem. Vancouver Island watersheds have been logged and many rivers run through heavily urbanized areas. Some watersheds are dammed. Poor ocean survival, due to a shift in temperatures, is a major factor affecting all salmon species. Steelhead, which have been tracked all the way to the coast of Russia in their Pacific migrations, have been the hardest hit. Because they live longer in their freshwater phase, they have also suffered the most in the rivers.
The B.C. Conservation Foundation, a non-profit group, is working jointly with the provincial Ministry of Land, Water and Air Protection to restore Vancouver Island steelhead. One plan, not yet funded, is to fertilize 15 rivers where nutrient levels are low because of declining salmon runs.
When salmon die after spawning, their bodies decompose, enriching the watersheds and stimulating the growth of aquatic insects, which feed young fish. But overfishing and habitat problems have robbed many rivers of the massive salmon runs they once had, stripping the streams of nutrients. Steelhead usually live for two years in freshwater before heading to the ocean. If they are underfed, they will be too small to survive when they run to the sea. Mr. McCulloch has been scrounging dead salmon from federal salmon hatcheries and placing them in rivers as fertilizer, hoping to stimulate the growth of baby steelhead. From the dead bodies of one species they hope to revive another. In one experimental program, artificial fertilization saved the Keogh River, where steelhead runs are stable and salmon stocks are increasing.
Mr. McCulloch calls the Keogh "a beacon" in the darkness, but the restoration project can't be copied without more money. The foundation and government fisheries agencies need $4-million a year in excess of their core funding, about double what they have. BC Hydro and some forest companies are helping with corporate donations, but the federal government, which has $1-billion to help beef farmers, which squanders millions on sponsorship scandals and which dithers over endangered-species legislation, seems oblivious to the steelhead crisis.
"There are too many rivers in trouble and not enough money," Mr. McCulloch said.
Meanwhile, in the Trent, two females wait alone -- the last hope for a river.
Oh, before I forget, we have "the Barnes", Billy Madden, Bob and Kenny... I always forget to include names on my pictures which isn't very nice of me but I get so many pictures it's hard to keep track.
Why the hell are they even fishing for them?
They’ve been practicing catch and release for 20 goddamn some years and nothing is working, they’ve rehabilitated streams and done fuck all but to no avail.
So WSC and all you catch and release nazi do you think C&R even helped in this case?
Nope, it’s all happening out in the Ocean and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. Well, you can give me a nuclear submarine and a crew that all look like Alec Baldwin and Denzel Washington and there’s something I could do about it.
Other than that we’re screwed.
Steelhead go somewhere where we can’t protect them... It’s obvious.
But maybe I’m wrong. I hope I’m wrong. I’d love to admit I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.
I know we’re on the very last rung of the cycle before it starts climbing up, up and up till almost normal levels in 2011.
Yup, that’s it, we’re at the bottom rung of the cycle.
Oh and to make sure that my little theories are accurate I started emailing our Puget Sound Fishery Biologist Curt Kramer. I’m sure he probably thinks I’m insane but then if I recall I never said I wasn’t.
So Curt what do you think about my Russian Mafia Theory?
Curt... “Well Angie, we’d get a lot more fish with net marks on them back to the streams.”
So Curt what do you think about my Japanese starvation theory? (I didn’t bother to mention my other theory about Godzilla and Manthra being exiled to our steelhead feeding grounds and eating them all because I thought that would be a bit much).
Curt...” Well Angie, no comment I’m scared now.”
So Curt what do you think about my predation theory? Should we open season on every seal and sea lion out there?
Curt... “Well Angie, there’d be a lot more fish with claw marks on them.”
So if my theories are wrong, then we have other things that could account for why the steelhead are doing poorly. Like
Dying in the estuaries
Not enough insect life in the streams because of lack of salmon carcasses
Predation of birds
The worse theory I have of all and none of you are going to like this one is this. Orvis Boy’s ex-wife was an atmospheric science professor at the UW. She is dedicating her life to “Global Warming Modeling” and had predicted four years ago that in four years due to global warming and we all know what causes global warming folks...
THAT THE NORTHWEST WILL HAVE WARM WET RIVERS AND DRY HOT LONG SUMMERS. CALIFORNIA WILL GET WETTER AND WE’RE GONNA BECOME LIKE CALIFORNIA FOLKS!
That means our fir trees will die off and all sorts of weird stuff will start happening. Don’t believe me? Look at the snow pack the last few years. Anyone want to tell me what the top of Mt Pilchuck looks like right now?
DRY AS A BONE AND WHY ARE THINGS ALWAYS DRY AS A BONE? WHAT IF THE BONE IS STILL ALIVE WITH BLOOD GUTS AND SINEW ON IT? I THINK THAT IS THE STUPIDEST SAYING EVER...
Other things I want to talk about...
I was gonna talk about the fish being taken out of the water rule and how it only decreases the mortality rate of the fish by one tenth of a percent. DID YOU ALL UNDERSTAND THAT? I said one tenth of a percent. That is .001. The blood alcohol level in a fetus after mommy had a drink, guys.
Worth it don’t ya think?
Oh, and did we all forget that Miss Angie was on the Sports Advisory Board?
Yup, I’m on the Sports Advisory Board and I’m having some major issues. See you all don’t know this but all your rules are being made by charters, lodges, commercials, special interest groups, and marine and tackle shops.
For example...
We were discussing when the 3500 chinook season should start up at Seiku. I proposed that SINCE THE KINGS DON’T REALLY START SHOWING UP TILL AUGUST THAT WE SHIFT THE WHOLE SEASON TO JULY 15TH THRU OCTOBER 15TH.
If we shifted the season to July 15th to October 15th not only will the kings that we catch won’t be resident black mouth about the size of my purse or the suppository used by Ashcroft, you will have more chances for big hatchery kings and more chances for big native coho. Oh, and did I propose opening up Seiku after October 1st for the retention of native coho? DAMN RIGHT I DID!
Then the room grew quiet, and as I glared at every MAN in the room daring them to try to tell me how wrong I was...... this old guy about 80 starts WHINING...
“Don’t listen to her! We need to open OUR RESORTS for the July 1st / Fourth of July Opener. If we start the king season later that will be bad for OUR RESORT plus it’s too windy for our docks in October and we like to bring them in. I’m also going to lose moneeeeyyyyyy.”
My response...
“Geez, if I was going to fish Seiku and I went in early July and caught nothing but baby blackmouth I don’t think I’d ever go back? Ever heard of repeat business, dude? And the beginning of October the coho are boiling in front of your docks so what’s up with that?”
What I really wanted to say...
LISTEN YOU OLD DUMB FUCK! JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO LIVE OUT HERE IN GOD’S COUNTRY WITH NO TRAFFIC AND NO PEOPLE BOTHERING YOU FOR MOST OF THE YEAR DOESN’T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO SUPPORT YOU OR THAT WASHINGTON STATE HAS TO BAIL OUT YOUR STUPID ASS EVERY YEAR BY MAKING THE FISHING SEASON TO YOUR CONVENIENCE.
Who was this resort owner? Some guy named Grandpa’s Resort. He really cares about your fishing experience. Ya think?
Now what am I getting at with all this?
I could put a page and publicize the crap out of it. What will be on this page? Why all the sports advisors, what they are for and what they are against. Letters you can send to some of them and I’ll tell you what really drives their decisions but I have a problem...
There is a reason why I’m not political, I’m too much of a loose canon. And I get wayyyyyyyy too upset. But I am thinking about bringin the minutes of these meetings to the residents of our fine but crumbling state in hopes of driving more involvement by the true sportsmen and fishermen.
We caught this fish with the new Fish-On Bait Co. herring. This is a new outfit out of Arlington and they produce the best bait that I have ever used. I have not seen one scale missing in any of their vacuum packages. The whole herring was rigged in a Pro-troll Roto-chip bait holder at a depth of 100ft just off Hat Is on the afternoon tide change.
Ready to go fishing?
Later,
Tom Nelson of Skagit River Guides.com.
Columbia River
1,000 fish are going over Bonneville Dam a day but fishing has been slow the last few weeks. Why? Because the nets are in you idiots and will be till the end of the month. Now don’t be blaming just the white commercial folk netters out there most of them boats are owned by our Native American Folk. Remember they get twice or three times as much net time so be careful about who’s season you are complaining about.
After a big rain all the Columbia River Tribs should be a rocking but you all know this RIGHT?
The Skagit/Sauk
If you are going with a guide on these rivers I’d think better of it even fly fishing it your chances went from 25% to zero. The Sauk is so volatile right now and will be for the next few years. The Sauk looks like my baby’s diaper after a day of chili, gravy, raisins and prunes. Just about anything will blow the damn thing out and the Skagit below it. Kinda like the baby....
The Peninsula
I hate to say this but I’m just not hearing good reports especially on the Hoh. My little Native American Buddy that I buy all my fish from must be having a hell of a time and netting a ton! I’ve been noticing that the returns are starting to decrease over the last couple of years and it reminds me of what happened in our Puget Sound Streams. If you’re going from nine fish days to two fish days to getting skunked it’s wayyyyy scary! I’m praying I’m wrong but could it also coincide with the amount of fishing pressure the Peninsula is now receiving? Is it the increase in the number of nets the natives use nowadays?
Again if you and your guide are having one to two fish days. That’s a suck ass day on the Peninsula not a good day. Just letting you all know that for all of you that don’t know dick about fishing with guides.
SPRINGERS
Bad news folks... remember the awesome and incredible predictions for this year’s Chinook? Well, reports have it that we’re at an all time low right now. This could be because of two things... The nets aren’t reporting their catch correctly (surprise surprise) or it’s not going to be that great of a year or they’re late. I’m going to say they’re late because I’m such a fuckin optimist!
And now it’s time for...
WASHINGTON FLY FISHING ASSOCIATION WEB SITE
Orvis Boy brought to my attention a certain thread where some dumbass nicknamed Bob Listless said he was never going to patronize the town of Forks ever again or it’s Sporting Goods Shop because they were all a bunch of native killers.
Geez, nice of Bob to draw that to our attention. Where the hell have I been all these years...? Well, a local fly fishing guide Gordy Gracey got a little pissed off and told them to stay away! Go Gordy! BTW if you are fly fishing the Peninsula go with him. In my opinion he will teach you how to FISH YOUR FLY. Most of the fly guides out there suck ass and are totally moody. JD Love??...
Hey, didn’t I yell at him on the river once for absolutely no reason? Yeah, that’s right I pick some random dick out on the river and I start PMSing on you then and there. You boys make up shit about me and I never forget it. Do we not understand this? Kratzer, Koenig, and whoever else named K... be warned... Why would you even DARE mention the Candyman’s name (am I saying I'm the Candyman?) Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman... Just don’t say it a fifth time guys... Man, I loved that movie...
Did I digress, shit...KKK
So I saw this comment attached to a thread by Gordy Gracey and it sums up my feelings on fly fishermen and fly fishing guides as well:
“BTW Remember: It is not how well you cast or how long you've fly fished, it's how well you fish your fly that really matters.….you can spend a lifetime fly fishing and never learn how to fish your fly.”
BRAVO GORDY BABY...
And now it’s time for Pissy Hissy Pursuits
Hey, I haven’t ranked on Booby once this rant let’s make it a record, (wow I must really be preoccupied with all this saving the fish shit). So I saw a thread on Pissy Hissy Pursuits that cried out to be made fun of by Dave Vedder who I seem to be picking on lately. I’m sorry Dave but I can’t help myself. Am I making fun of Dave Vedder because I’m jealous of his success? Nahhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m making fun of Dave Vedder because he is so out of touch. I still roll on the floor laughing when I think of the time he posted about how well the Thompson Steelhead are doing because of Catch and Release up in BC.
Dave wants to do a protest against Pike Place Market for selling wild Quinault Steelhead. If we haven’t noticed one and all, Steve Hanson of STS has already done an article on it and where did Steve get the idea? From yours truly except I didn’t make a fuss about it I just went down to Pike Place Market made the biggest scene ever, want to talk about fun, and kicked a table over, but it still wasn’t my idea...
The first person to ever protest the selling of wild steelhead at Pike Place Market was Bob Pigot. The best fly fishing guide on the Peninsula. I don’t think he guides anymore BTW. Truly a bummer.
Also, I hate to tell Dave and Steve but the wild steelhead that they sell are actually Quinault Hatchery Fish. They aren’t raised in a pen so they are considered “WILD” by restaurants. Yup, I felt stupid too after I figured that out. When Bob Pigot protested back in the 80s they were actual wild fish.
IFISH.net
Hey, what the hell happened? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
He asked me if this black boat painted with flames was to my liking unlike the other boat. He said the fish just jump into it so they don't burn alive in the water.
I think flames should stay on cars what he should have on his boat is a naked mermaid. Much more classy and it will make the guys on the bank happier. Now that's good PR!
This is the funniest thing I have ever heard of yet on the internet. Now if you have ever been to any web site forum regarding fishing for salmon or steelhead in the Northwest, you may recall a Beulah Ballbreaker Lookalike going around posting the most inane stupidest comments to try to belong to the forum crowd. You can especially find her on Pissy Hissy Pursuits and beyond and NO I AM NOT GOING TO RANK ON BOOBY TODAY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I CAN DO IT!
So whenever some normal fisherman with attitude, would tell her to go back and watch the television in her fridge because by the looks of it she doesn’t look like she could make the long journey from her fridge to the television. In reality her husband had gotten so concerned that he had to specially install one inside of their refrigerator to make life more comfortable for her.
“Now darling you can just reach in and grab a cream cheese macaroni bagel and turn the channel to Oprah and only move a foot! I love you honey pie, can you use that special sling shot I made yous and sling me a beer. Ever since your arms got so stub like I’ve been worried about ya.”
Where is her computer located you ask? Why in the microwave you dumb asses.
So whenever someone tells her to go eat another twinkie she starts whining and crying to whoever is the moderator and you just want to scream...
“JUST KILL YOURSELF AND END THE PAIN AND SUFFERING OF THE VOICES THAT ARE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.”
How’d the voices get stuck in her head? She ate the owners of them you dumb asses.
So this fat chick sees gamefishin.com’s owner Bruce stuck at the Cathlamet Boat Launch because he probably misjudged the tides or maybe caught too many fish and returned late.
As Bruce is trying to unstick his boat, this famous forum irritant runs up and down okay, waddles up and down the boat launch taking pictures of him and laughing. I mean imagine while you’re trying to get your boat unstuck some fat chick doing this to you. So what do you do?
I personally would lure her to me with ding dongs (I’m obsessed with Hostess products aren’t I?) into the water and wait till she starts sizzling and then kick her all the way in till she bubbles like pop rocks in a crack head’s mouth.
My buddy said he’d grab the camera and him and his friends would pull her into the water because you couldn’t do it alone, that would cause back problems, and watch her float away with the tide like the biggest buoy you’d ever see. Actually, if you cared about other boaters you’d attach one of them head band flash lights to her head before, but that would mean you’d have to touch her and this sounds like a job for Crocodile Dundee. Just imagine her jaws of death.
So what did Bruce do? He probably ignored her because he was afraid she’d eat his wife who is just a tiny little thing and bite size. The minute he’d turn around... “GULP! SMACK! Honey where’d ya go?”
Anyone ever notice that I never make fun of steelheader.net? I wonder why that is?
Last week after I had gotten back from fishing, one of my winners for the “Darkest Fish of the Internet Contest” gave me a holler and asked me how the Sports Advisory thing was going. After I complained, bitched and moaned about the Canadians he invited me to go to his favorite web site and post about it on the forum.
So I did and I kept it clean as I possibly could but it’s pretty hard when the post is so heartfelt and it’s so bloody bad that you just want to scream at the injustice of it all...
Here’s the original post...
posted a rant that went on and on last night because MISTER STEVIE ERICCSON was itchin at me to about what I'm learning being a sports fishery advisor. I was super tired because I had a client yesterday and had been up since 3am so after I posted I went to Orvis Boy and asked, was that post gay? And he said kind of so I told him to take it off and glad I checked on it he makes me sound like an idiot.
Okay here's the deal.
You here are all normal fishermen. You fish rivers, salt, lakes and like to eat your catch when you can.
Now the advisory board is comprised of people voted on by clubs and suggested by members of the WDFW. They liked my "special attitude" and decided they needed someone that would bring new blood to the table.
Since not many people are suggested on the boards and these are people that make up all your rules my dears... So here are the reason why you ask yourself...
WHY THE HELL IS FISHING OPEN NOW WHEN IT'S GOOD A MONTH LATER?
Resort owners want you there at their convenience so they don't starve. Geez, I wish I could live on the Coast, not deal with traffic and eat too. Someone bail my ass out pleaseeeeeeee....
WHY CAN'T I FISH A MILE OVER THERE?
So the charters don't have to look at the commericals it's bad for biz
WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BRING A FISH OUT OF THE WATER WHEN I'M BANK FISHING IN TENNIS SHOES?
The charters let them die on the decks if they aren't hatchery fish
WHY IS MY RIVER CLOSED TO AN ABUNDANCE OF FISH?
So I can catch them in Area 7 and sell more boats
So FOLKS...
Charters, lodges, resort owners, did I mention charters, fishing clubs, tackle and marine supply manufacturers, don't forget charters and a few C&R nazis, MAKE ALLL THE DECISIONS FOR YOU
I am the only normal (now I never thought I'd use that word to describe myself) fisherman on there. I have absolutely no special interests and it's kind of scary. There are two other guys but I seriously doubt they have any balls to do anything. Since I sit there and piss people off all day long. Actually it's kind of fun.
Now what is my point to this post?
Would you like to know what is going on?
Like BOYCOTT Vancouver Island because folks they decided that we are killing off their mythical Thompson River Coho (last time I was there I caught a shit load) and are taking 40,000 of our kings. Why would you pay hundreds of dollars for YOUR OWN FISH?
sO what does this mean?
Means instead of us being allowed to harvest 100,000 kings on the Columbia we can only harvest 40,000 and they are endangering our precious Snake River Stocks for their own Tourism. Makes me all warm and fuzzy and makes me want to yell at people that go to Tofino. Why don't you bend over and have someone stick that fish up your anus?
or you can...
write letters to the WDFW demanding that the 3500 chinook season start on July 15th instead of July 1st and they shift the coho season to October 15th. Ever fish boiling coho? Fish October 15th.
Now what is my point? We need to get **** on the Sports Advisory Board so he can wreak havoc with me? Well, kind of.
Do you guys want to know what's going on?
Do you want to be able to do something about it?
It also means you have to quit fishing for FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES and send in letters and stuff.
We do have to remember two points...
To be fair to the fish where in trouble
and to be fair to the fishermen if the fish are harvestable.
So I was told by the Ashcroft (the United State’s Attorney General) wannabes that I had a negative attitude and should be more professional and nice when it came to getting things done on the Sports Advisory Board. Remember I have an outrageous plan to make people accountable for their actions but I’m going to have to get the okay from my political buddies before I implement it.
And what the hell is up with all this Ashcroft shit (the United State’s Attorney General)? Why are we reverting back to the 50’s “Happy Days” crap? I mean really I don’t know if anyone noticed but it is the new millennium, everyone and their brother has sex now, kids get tattooed at age 12 and if you think the way I write is bad have you ever played the new video games?
Yup, people nowadays are starting to scare me and their excuse for cramming their right winged religious shit down your throat is because of the children. When one of the moderators told me his nine year old niece reads a fishing forum where all the posts are made by balding old men I about died laughing. I sat my nine year old daughter in front of a fishing forum and she’s like...
“I don’t want to read this mommy. These guys are stupid and boring. Can I go watch Sponge Bob Square Pants now?”
Wise beyond her years ya think?
But what really irked me was when some fishing freak that seems to stalk me wherever I post. I think this fella lives on the internet to torture me. I do believe that he lives on the Skagit, got kicked out of Boeing like the rest of us and likes to write poetry about fishing and I know for a fact he hates women. Most men that don’t like me have major issues with women. He told me he was divorced because he had fished too much. I don’t think that’s the case darling.
I’m also going to guess he’s a fly fisherman. Why is it always a fly fisherman that gives me problems? Can’t one of you manly men that row drift boats and drive fast sleds give me shit? At least I’d no how to handle you.
So Mister Poetry guy didn’t like my approach to the message. He doesn’t like how I think things can get done. He agrees with me whole heartedly about my stance but because of the way I present the message he’s going to VETO it. Even if I can get something done, people to action, and all for a good cause because I didn’t do it in Mayberry Fashion I’m a bad person.
So then I put up two examples of how to present the Canadian Dilemma and get people informed about it and irrate.
"The Canadians seem to think that we are taking more of the Thompson Interior Coho. They have decided because of this fact that they will increase their harvest by 40,000 more Chinook off of West Vancouver Island. This will decrease our Columbia harvest from 100,000 to 40,000 in order to save the endangered stocks of Snake River Chinook."
That doesn't incite people to get all riled up does it?
Now if we went with.
"The dam Canadians with absolutely no data whatsoever think that we're taking their supposively endangered interior coho. Last time I was there I caught a ton. So they have decided with NO DATA to harvest kings heading to the Columbia River some of them are endangered SNake Rivers that are on their last legs. Thus decreasing our harvest from 100,000 to 40,000. Yup, we're such pussies that we're trading a couple of skinny little snakey coho for big fat Columbia Springers, folks!"
What does this mean Miss Angie?
It means that if anyone is STUPID ENOUGH to go fish up in Tofino and catch their own fish they should get wack over the head with a two by four.
When you state it like that isn't that wacking you over the head with a two by four and you get riled up to do something?
Professionalism and playing nice does not work.
Well if its all the same to you Mr. ******** I DO NOT want her speaking for me thank you. As for writing, speaking, talking to the legislators, attending a hearing, etc. I've done it all and since the 60's as you put it. And in doing so I know that with her attitude, filthy mouth and mean demeanor she will be almost immediately identified as one to listen to and ignore. I've been there, done that and lived 20+ years in doing so. If you believe she can speak for you that's your right, but again she does not speak for me and I do not want any responsible legislator, regulator or anyone else thinking she does.
So the Fly Fishing Poet goes on to tell me that he’s been doing ever so much for fishing but IMHO has failed at every turn. I wonder why?
Here’s my response...
Let's give "the Poet" a big hand and all the others??? like him. Actually, you know I don't know why I do anything for any of you at all. You just sit there like "the Poet" and itch and moan and whine and don't do a goddamn thing.
Whenever anyone does do something for your benefit as in politics you don't like how they do it and how they get things done, but at least they get things done.
Actually, I'm not representing you I'm representing people that love to fish and want to eat what they catch. I guess that isn't you. You don't like it get your ass voted on the board and debate with me, I'll win every time.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with harvesting fish and what the native americans are doing to our fish and letting commercial interests dictate what our rules are is ridiculous.
Why do you think we have to go barbless? It wasn't a fresh water deal it started with "the downrigger boys" being wasteful.
I'm not going to sit there and be nice and pretty and polite.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE DONE THAT SINCE THE 60S
And now we can't harvest fish, most of our waters are closed and depleted, Canada takes our fair share and worse of all thanks to guys like you if you even attended a meeting...
WE CAN'T TAKE THE DAMN THINGS OUT OF THE WATER...
Boy your tactics worked real fine. Didn't they?
This is fun anyone else want to tell me what a great job they did in the past? Come on show me the love... and show me how great it is to fish in Washington State.
So what am I trying to say about “The Ashcroft Mentality”
And for all of you that don’t know who Ashcroft is he is the United State’s Attorney General who had the
NAKED GREEK STATUES THAT SYMBOLIZE DEMOCRACY IN WASHINGTON DC COVERED UP BECAUSE THEY WERE NAKED
What’s next the Statue of David? I know we’ll invade Italy in order to put a blanket over his awesome nakedness because American Tourist’s children might just see it.
I can see the bombing now folks...
Outta here!
And that is what makes me pissed off. People can’t be real they need to play nice and be politically correct or else the Ashcroft boys will cover us with blankets. I grew up in the West and unless we were hurting someone else we can be who we are. Orvis Boy calls me a Libertarian. I call myself an AMERICAN.
Oh, and if you’re wondering why I’m so pissy I’ve lost two twenty pounders in a row boys. I just can’t take another loss. Nope, I sure can’t!