|MY PMS PAGE|
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|I think Helena Bonham Carter looks like she has terminal PMS in the movie "Fight Club". So we'll make her our poster child, till some bitch pisses me off, or how about guy????|
What crazy, pyschotic, female, fishing page wouldn't be complete without a dedication to PMS? For all of you men out there that don't know what it means because itís obvious youíre either too young, too ugly or too poor to have a girlfriend or a wife, it means:
What is Premenstrual Symptoms? You so innocently ask...
Itís something women suffer from during that time of the month. If youíre really stupid and still donít know what that means itís the time God chose for us females to bleed for seven days. Whatever did he do that for? Because some bitch named Eve gave some dork named Adam an apple and they got kicked out of the Garden of Eden. When this happened, God decided to give Eve a little curse that her and her offspring would forever suffer from. Now my take on the matter? I think he did it because when he made the better image out of Adamís Rib he got mad at himself that his second creation was far superior than the first. So to make amends he had to make it suffer in some way since the ďMale VersionĒ was suppose to be him. Canít have women getting the better of a man now can we?
What about the few lucky bitches that donít get it? Sorry, they still have to deal with some form or another of it. Like a nasty ass menopause or pregnancy. No woman gets out of it completely. No matter what she says you will note a change in mood during this time. Ey fellows? Actually the women I know that say they never get PMS are moody bitches 24 X 7. So what does that tell you?
Please enjoy my dedication to this wonderful state of the female being. I am dedicating a page to PMS because it needs to be recognized for what it is and because I keep hearing some fantastic stories related to this pyschological & physiological state. Fantastic Stories? Shouldnít they be called ďHorror StoriesĒ?
So men visit here if you dare! Maybe you just might learn something.... Maybe you wonít. Like I always sayÖ Do you think I care?
MY POINT OF VIEW... ON PMS...
Yes, thatís right boyz, Iím gonna be bold, Iím gonna be brave, Iím gonna get personal.
Iím going to talk about PMS. If anyone has ever notice that my most pyschotic rants and ravings always occur between the 25th and the 30th of every month (and please note I donít book trips them days) itís because of PMS.
I know that most men would like to think that women are just bitches, that it doesnít really exist and do you know why youíd like to think that? BECAUSE IT DOESNíT HAPPEN TO YOU! The only equivalent of men getting PMS (Yes, I like using the abbreviation because it makes ya flinch doesnít it? Kind of reminds you of another abbreviation that sends shivers down your spine. Can we all sayÖ IRS?) is men taking STEROIDS. I personally believe that if all men were force to take steroids for a few months they would soon learn the joys of what erratic hormonal behavior can do to you too!
How would you deal with the following:
Imagine waking up in the morning with PMS, where the night before everything was fine and dandy. No trauma, just a nice quiet evening with your significant other with sweet conversation over dinner and a relaxing cuddly episode of Ally McBeal. Itís so nice when your man just loves to see what the gals are wearing this week too. Isnít it? When you wake up the next day all of a sudden everything in your life is wayyyyy more intense everything in your life is wayyyyyyy wrong. Things that slightly bother you really bother you and the sweet man next to you that loves you to pieces, is all of a sudden the enemy. Thatís right, you hate the bastard. Why? You donít know but you do. Remember that insult he gave you yesterday?
ďHoney, do you mind parking on the right side of the driveway so I can move the lawn mower out of the garage?Ē
How dare he! How fuckin dare he insinuate that you are parking on the wrong side of the driveway? And whatís this on the bathroom floor? His dirty underwear? Well, guess what he gets to wake up with, cruelly placed on his head like a crown? And what can the poor fellow do about it all? Iíll tell you what he can doÖ Nothing. As in nothing right. Thatís right. No matter what, he canít eat right, he canít walk right, he canít even BREATHE right, without it pissing us off. He canít even leave because all of a sudden weíll need a hug because the trauma of not getting the toast the right shade of brown is too much to bare and if heís not there, when he does show up HEíS DEAD.
My ex-fiancee was really funny because he use to say unbelievable things to me, as Iíd lay in bed moaning in pain with cramps that could kill a normal human being. Try getting them puppies when rowing a drift boat by yourself. You want to talk about PAIN, you want to talk about wanting to jump out of the boat into a raging rapid so you can just end it or where the hell is my gun again? Heíd say understanding shit likeÖ
ďItís all in your headĒ.
Okay, thatís right, itís all in my head. Yup, the agonizing, blistering, doubling over, cinching pain in my side called cramps is just a figment of my imagination. Itís all in my head. Iím making it up. For some odd reason when the 25th rolls around I just decide to wake up in the morning with my head doing 360s and I feel like killing everything within reach. For some odd reason I will my body to retain water and bloat my stomach a couple of inches so that I canít wear tight fitting jeans or low riders. For some odd reason I will my body to produce too many hormones so that a giant zit will form somewhere on my face that all the world can enjoy looking at besides my wonderful self. For some odd reason I want to experience cramps before I go to work all day long for two days. What are cramps you ask? Itís like a little man is in there pulling and tuggin and pulling and tuggin on your stomach muscles, till you canít even walk, let alone stand. The pain is so intense that only 4 midol or how bout 6 ibuprofen will cure it. In my head? If that butthead could have them for 5 minutes heíd be crying for his mommy. Heíd be thrashing with drool coming from his mouth. Remember, the pain of childbirth can kill a man so face it, a womanís pain tolerance if far superior than any mans.
I canít explain how awful it is, that all of a sudden you would like to kill the people around you, your children, your significant other, your boss (well, that is normal) but you do. Things that happened bad to you in high school, still make you cry 15 YEARS LATERÖ You donít even want to drive because if you did, you know that sweet handicapped person that crosses the road might not make it, and I wonít even tell you how many squirrels have sacrificed their lives when crossing the road in front of my four tires.
You know something though, for some odd reasonÖ ďITíS ALL IN MY HEAD!Ē
I want to experience pain, I want to experience insaniety, I want to hurt someone. For some odd reason 12 times a year, I want to go through hell. Why? Because Iím a sick sadistic bitch, thatís it! Itís fun to be that way. Why not make yourself intolerable and the world around you suck? So then when it ends and of course you end it automatically on the seventh day, youíll appreciate life that much more when it goes back to normal. RIGHT? Women do this to themselves so we can remind ourselves how good life can be? Does that make sense? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT!
But how do we know this when it's all in our fuckin heads? RIGHT?
So why the hell am I explaining this to everyone? BECAUSE I WAS LISTENING TO THE RADIO THIS MORNING AND THE DUMB SON OF A BITCH ON IT said the same thing that my ex-fiancee use to say. SO I AM TEACHING YOU ALL THAT THIS IS UNTRUE, IT DOES EXIST. WOMEN GET OUT OF MURDERS BECAUSE OF IT, BECAUSE WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE DO.
So be understanding or get the hell out of Dodge. (Iíd get the hell out of Dodge because there is no understanding PMS). Just remember the woman you love, the woman you cherish will be back in a day or so. Youíll wake up next to her and watch her sleep, wondering if when she wakes up her eyes are still the color red of the dragon. Then all of a sudden she wakes up and realizes sheís back and rolls over and gives you sweet kisses, brushes your hair back and tells you how much she loves you and ďThanks for being there.Ē
Enjoy the 3 weeks of bliss until next timeÖ.
PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING WARNINGÖ
One thing about having this INSANE WEB SITE, I have realized that I get three types of email.
1. From Normal happy people that love my twisted & sick site and want more of it!
2. From men that have fallen madly in love with me and want me to abuse them and most of all want me to take them fishin.
3. From men that want to initiate me into the boys club and get a rise out of me. These are my favorites and most of the time I respond in good olí Angie fashion.
4. Oops I forgot, the occasional stalker email or virus, dude give it upÖ. I hate dealing with children donít make me tell your parents.
Just be warned, donít do it during the above time frame. Iím not responsible for what I do and Iím not responsible for my actions. I am only a woman and I do get PMS. And if this sounds like something Jennie would write at Ifish.net (yeah like sheíd even notice if sheíd get it, sheís on so much damn Praxil) Iím sorry. Sometimes I want you all to know Iím human and most of all I WANT YOU TO RESPECT THIS HORRIBLE TIME PERIOD IN MOST WOMENíS LIFE.
If you have a woman that doesnít get it. Marry her ass, or suffer the above. MA HA HA HA!!!! Also since I really donít care what anyone thinks and this is my site, I can talk about what ever I want. What does this have to do with fishing? Well I havenít been for awhile because Iím resting up for the big Skeena trip. When I get back Iíll talk about fishing all you want! GOT IT?
AND ONE LAST THING PEOPLE! I AM THE PRIESTESS NOT THE GODDAMN FISHING GODDESS! Every time you say that, she gets pissed off so quit pissing her off.