Yes, it's that time of year again.  Angie is holding the "Boot", "Cigar" or "Doorstop" Award Contest.  Please send me your entries anonymously, proudly, or I don't care how, but if you find a picture of the darkest fish ever, send it to the following email address;


If you are the winner include your name and address and I will send you five of my favorite salmon jigs tied especially by my wonderful self or if you're from the Northwest I'll take you fishing.

There are two criteria that must be met, however... 


The first contestant is entered by me.  Let me introduce you to the man above.  He  is Shoeman, Michigan-sportsman.com's main fishing forum moderator and advisor.  I do believe he actually ate that thing and look at how proud he is.  Can we all learn something from him?  Yeah, what not to covet or catch that's what
. I especially like the milt streaming (nice touch).  Do you think he rubbed it's belly?


is the last entrant and possibly the winner.

We are now researching whether he ate this prized "Terminator Fish" or not.  Since the contest rules state that the entry's fisherman must have ate the fish in order to win it might be disqualified.

We might overlook this fact because the liter of milt the fish was releasing for the picture gives the entry a little more then just flavor.

I'm wondering if after the release of such a milt stream if we can compare it to another "Three Mile Island" back east.

This man scored the highest due to the mold on the kings scales and the yellow flesh.  By his insistence on the web page the contestant found him on that these kings were fresh, we know that he and his family ate them.  The dogs in the background gave the entry just a little more flavor.
Honorable Mention:
Winner of the:
Let me introduce one and all to his esteem highness web master Steve of Michigan-sportsman.com.  I got over 30 entries from contestants around the nation and they found all their dark fish at his site.

Three cheers for Dark Overlord Steve!
I guess when you think a 10 inch brown trout is impressive anything and I mean ANYTHING bigger is a major accomplishment, even if it is half dead and half rotten.

Probably kind of like the women he goes out with.  OUCH...
Since the last entry made such an "IMPRESSION" we are now at a stalemate.  The judges and I are asking for your help as the viewer to vote on which entry should win.  I know it's a close call and rules are rules but can you help us out of this situation.  Steve and Gary implore you.  They are both dying to go on a free trip with me.  Who can blame them?  Email your vote at...
Round I

This fine FLY FISHING WEB MASTER thinks this fish it "the Bomb".
It's on the front page of his web site.  It's suppose to be a marketing picture enticing you to buy his flies and fly materials. 


If you don't believe me go to his web site;

I don't have the heart to tell him.  So can someone email him and explain?
Jude Sick Mike:  "OKay I just realized where that guy got that big black King.  He is fishing in the Sewage plant and that fish was born and raised in turd water.   It has obviously been raised on a diet of shit and used condoms and probably will eat like them as well".
Here ya go Angie.  This guy is so damn proud of the things.  I emailed
him and asked what the hell are you doing with those nasty things?

Here is what he had to say,

"The Kings where cought on the Niagra River in New York bellow the
Falls and they where not snagged the Steelheads wher caught at Elk creek PA, the
day after the King are cut open as you can see if you are waering your
glases and they have been already 30 hours on Ice as the picture has been
taken, thats where the white spots are from Smart guy.

The fish where not snagged, I caught on a method I learned in Sweden, which will help you toget every Salmon to attack I'm not saying that he wanted to feed he wanted to
kill. There are some leave on the fish because I had to lay them on the
ground before the camera man was ready. And for the final coment you guys are
just Jealous "
(they have also demanded that this be the winner.  Will Steve Ericson win the trip?  Come on someone can do better.  Can't they????)

...but nothing matches the look of pride on dude's face holding fish his fish up as if to say "momma's gonna eat well tonight!!"  'yeah, if she's got a cast iron stomach and a pallet of Maalox..."

member them old Chaplin movies where they are so poor they start to eat their own boot leather?

I hope they applied some topical penicillin to those babies before consuming them....

I LOVE the pack of wild dogs in the background...truly classic..

I couldn't believe he actually gutted the one, he really didn't even need a knife the thing probably opened up for him like a nasty zit.  These midwestern guys are some real pieces of work, y

OH    MY    GOD   !!!!!! 

Did this guy patrol the river bank looking for dead slabs or what???  Ican't believe anyone would hold one of those up and expect to be admired.  Those fish look like they should not only have they spawned out but should be gathering mold at the bottom of some frog water.  Not even seagulls would eat those nasty bastards.

You all recognize this famous fly fisherman.  It truly is Jim Teeny catching these wonderful kings wayyyyyyyy up in Alaska.

I don't care if they're suppose to be red.  I like my fish chrome but wait that would require catching them in the salt water.  Wouldn't it?
*Please note that all judges were chosen for their ability to remain as unbiased as possible

Comment 1st Round
The Honorable Judge Blake
Based on the "yuck, I would never let that fish in my boat factor, let alone touch my net", I would rate the fish as follows:
1. Darkest Fish Yet
2. Nice Kings
3. The Jim Teeny (pardon the spelling, it's late) Alaska King.

Based upon the lack of fight, I would rate them the same (# 1 above looks to me that it was snagged with a weighted fly, and was half dead when he caught them...  (however, I think the nice kings guy was actually targeting them...)

But, in the "ewww, gross are you going to eat that factor",   I would rate them as follows:
1. Nice Kings:  This guy looks proud of his catch...   why else would he take his picture at home, holding one, with one on the grass...  this rocket scientist was targeting these...  I guess if you drink enough Schmidt, you get color blind... These look like they stank right out of the water...  

2. darkest Fish yet: As I think this guy snagged it, it was a joke pic.  This fish was thrown back as soon as the pic was taken...  (He actually looks like he was laughing...

3. the teeny fish...  It's lite red, not black and moldy...
Round II
This man was not only chosen because of the darkness of the fish and the blood he smeared all over its body and his shirt for the added effect of " What I have no idea".

He was also chosen for his mullet.  You don't see them much anymore and to find a man brave enough to maintain one is a rare find indeed.
Let me introduce you to Shoeman from Michigan-sportsman.com father.  Note the same fine taste in hats, fly rods and spooging hens.

I'm starting to think that the molestation of fish runs in the family.
The date was October 17, 2002 when Joe Del Buono from Wyckoff, NJ. decided to do some trout fishing. He was fishing off the wall in the Oswego River, when he caught this very nice 35 pound king salmon. He was using live bait looking for trout. To his surprise a rather large King Salmon took his presentation and gave him the fight of a lifetime.

    "I've been fishing in Pulaski and Oswego for five years now. Only in the past year have I been successful. I spent a lot of time watching people on "the wall" and in the streams to see how they catch them. I was fortunate to have a custom rod made for just that area of the river. The rod to the right was made by Dango Custom Rods. I can't explain it really, I just feel very comfortable now. I know if the conditions are good I have a great chance of hooking up. WHAT A FIGHT! " Joe Del Buono.
Comments 2nd Round Judge Blake

OK, I guess some people have no brains, taste or fishing morals...  

From yesterday,  the black ugly booty one from the fly guy:   If I thought he ate it, he would be number one, but you know that 'nice kings' ate them...

From this batch, I will rate them as follows:

1. idiot with the petrified black log.  Had to have been snagged.  The fish actually looks like rigor mortis set in before it was out of the water.  I've seen nicer looking fish on the riverbanks, post spawned, dead.  (and you know he ate it...)

2. Smoking Cracker with the downstream buck...  Come on.... the fish had it's fun, survived and wants to go back to the salt and eat some shrimp.  let the fish go! (plus you know he ate it...)

3. Old guy with the green king...  Dementia has it's rewards...  He may have ate it, but forgot about it... Probably can't remember catching the fish anyway...

Overall Bootiest:  Nice Kings.  He ate them.  I have to go puke now...
Round III
Let me introduce you to Dr. Death you can find him holding a 'REAL FISH" on the "REAL MEN PAGE".

This is obviously a staged photo to get the trip, but I threw it in here because it must have taken Dr. Death about a week to get the rotten fish smell off of his finger.  But if I know our Dr. Death he's so tough that he probably stuck his finger in battery acid to get rid of the stench.  I wonder what type of toilet  paper and methods Midwesterners use to get the residue & stench off their bottoms?
Oh, God not another entry from Michigan-sportsman.com!

Please note that we had so many entries from Michigan-sportsman.com that they get an honorary mention for web site with the most "Darkest Fish of the Web".

Here is a fly caught salmon?  The boyz in Michigan invented another use for the useless sport of fly fishing.  Cleaning the bottom of the river of dead flesh.
This Midwest Gentleman was a good sport and entered himself.  He just wanted to show us that from the start of the Midwest Salmon Life Cycle that they are dark.

This is caught out in one of the Great Lakes.  I'm just curious as hell at what the texture of Midwest Salmon is comparable to.  I'm thinking ice cream.
OKay, #7 has got to be a set up.  Not even a Michigan Sportsman could hold that fish with pride...It's a wonder it's jaw didn't fall off when he picked it up.  #8? Well obviously some some fly stiff got a stffiy when he landed that fish but he isn't in the pic so it has to be left out of the running.  You gotta see the guy to truly be iin th running.  #9....Well it's a ugly fish but probably still edible if you can get past the tar.  I still got a hold out for the guy with the dogs.  He is truly looking forward to his feast before it falls apart in his hands...

hats off to eric on his find.  not only is that a skank of a fish, but the haircut is priceless. 

i don't think this guy's fish will win, but can we have a category for best "mullet"?  the shot was priceless....


A family that fishes together stays together.  It looks like the inbreeding stopped at the fathers because the boys fish seem to have a hint of chrome to them.

I love the Carhart Shirt.  A man that sticks to an American Designer Brand shows an allegiance that can't be beat.  I bet he looked great in his brown Carhart Tuxedo at his High School Prom.

Judge Sick Mike swears that the guy in the pee green shirt is the very same "Wild Dog Man".  He says they have the same eyes.  I don't know about that.  This guys seems to have some sanity in his.
Not only do I think that this entry was made because of the color of the fish but because of the spelling error in its name...
Here is "Wild Dog Man" with his prized catches before he put them 30 hours on ice.

He gives a whole new meaning to "Beach Comber" don't he?
4th round

Judge Orvis Boy
Oh my god......

Entrant #1)  Looks like meat and fun for the whole family.  the guy in the Miami Vice green pastel t-shirt is proudly hefting another gross rotting fish carcass.  MMM, tasty.

Entrant #2)   Its not steal-head if you find it rotting on the river bank.  He's proud of his catch but he looks like a CnR guy.

Entrant #3) F----ing Barf.  Look at that green thing hanging on the rope stringer.  I'm surprised the rope doesn't pull through.  Obviously the other SARs infected fish couldn't be strung up.  Is it just me or has that fish vomited from the mere thought of being eaten

Entry 1: These kids need to know what a bright fish looks like, but in the great lakes, maybe this is as good as it gets.   I've seen similar fish from the Salt out near the tulalip bubble, and August in Elliot Bay...  Judge Blake

Entry 2 : Honorable mention: He can't spell, and his partner obviously doesn't know how to operate a camera.  This fish might be OK looking if the subject wasn't back-lit

Entry 3 :  The Winner.  Obviously this guy has no idea what a fresh fish is...   Do you think he fishes with lead and the treble hook, or if he in true plugger fashion uses the sparkplug treble hook method?

eric to your point on number one below....

i am having a hard time deciding on this entry, I grew up fishing the santiam where these guys are catching these spring chinook...btw, these hillbilly loggers caught these fish last week, the fish are dark but it could be accerbated by the time of day/night and perhaps a piss-poor photo operator...i would want to look at the meat before i totally jumped on this as the best "worst" entry.........besides the fool in #3 takes it all, i still can't believe he would want to have his picture taken holding these leper fish....and we wonder where these new human viruses come from..........................  Judge Timmer

1.  Enough for the whole family bbq.  Finally - not another Sat. night of Road Kill.  Thanks Pa.  The sheer volume of the slime, and the scent that must have been present almost has me gagging.  Close to a winner but not quite.

2.  Actually a beautiful fish.... About 6 weeks before this photo, that is.  Are there any fish over yonder that are actually swimming while caught?  The SteaLHeader does not take the prize this week.  Keep fishing, or beachcombing.

3.  Good Grief.  I wonder if he found the waders and vest washed up on the bank as well?  The condition of that prehistoric black slab, and the fact that the body probably detached from the head approx. 1.5 seconds after the photo was snapped make this an overwhelming winner.  Bravo.  Throw that rope away.
* Bonus points were given for masking the condition of the other two specimens.  Judge Ken
Again we find more entries from Michigan-Sportsman.com.  The sheer volume over the course of the contest was so great that I was thinking about inviting the esteem "Dark Lord of the Fish Web Sites" to participate in our contest.  I think at a later date I will post all the pictures I received from contestants just to give credit where credit is due....
Ang,  i found this shit on M-S.com,.............  check out the "salmon" one of them smoked.  you would have to smoke these fish with wood laced with arsenic and embalming fluid to get the taste of rotting flesh out of them!!!!!!!!!   YUCK!!!!!!!!  i first thought the chunks on the newspaper and on the racks in the smoker were actually pieces of wood.  waddaya know but they were rotten fish "fillets".  not like the beautiful bright red and pink fillets we have here in the northwest!!!  no way would i eat a fish that had yellow flesh.  oh god, i'm gonna make myself sick!!!!!!!!!  also, the one titled "A good day out" is what we would refer to as dead spawners we would find on the banks of the Skagit. 

couldn't resist to give you more ammo for the pathetic losers at M-S.com.

Where's the fourth photo? You know, the one that shows the _expression on the unsuspecting Uncle Cletus' face when he gets his first taste of 'smoked salmon'.

Easy to take the bones out, pâté may be a better choice.....remind me of the snaggers working the pinks on the Snoho!!

If I count the number of 20 plus pound kings this "Master Dark Fisher" has on a string, I'm going to estimate that he and his family will have angina for a year.

Please note that this plus 100 pounds of salmon are alive on his trout string.  Since they don't have the ability to swim off that gives you some clue to their freshness and please note how much they resemble the log they are laying next to.
Only comment I have is that this picture is taken in a double wide trailer, that is a dog's butt on the ground and she has got to be entered in the "Mullet of the year Contest".

But ya gotta give this little beauty credit.  Them are the brightest fish of the contest and she does have nice legs.
Angie,  i found another new york river fisherman named wetwaterguide that posts some utterly disgusting king salmon pictures on his little webshots site.  with all the cum these kings are spewin' on his legs as he's holdin' them he should be called wetdreamguide.  i have to go throw up........................


yes the search is finally over....by far this is not only the darkest fish but alas the ripest.....that was some WAD.  i have seen glacial rivers that had less milt....er silt in them than this stream has in it after wetdream stroked this ones belly.....ewwww.   the only good news is that all the females downstream need not pair up... as our biologist wannabee is taking care of the fertilizing for them...he probably wacked a batch for good measure afterward.  this picture is just plain sick and wrong.  i am worried that the IT sensors will fire my ass for looking at porn while at work.  angie please warn me next time.  i believe our job as judges is over.  it is too bad the shoeless joe from michican will loose the title of The Master of Darkness..........later

Wow! I have yet to see a DEAD West cost fish look worse than the fish I've seen from the Midwest!
And they eat them...whew!
Next year divide the east and west! They beat our dead fish and we cant use them!

I just lost my lunch!  It must be some twisted fisherman that gets delight from being "juiced" on!  He must have snatched him away from his girl...poor bastard! Didn't even get to finish.
Judge BillySanDiego

Now THAT is a load! Peter North indeed! LOL

OK.  This cum sucker is now in first place.  (even though I don't think he ate it!)  Judge Blake

Holy CATS! Are you sure he didn't doctor the picture?!
Darkest for sure  Judge Chris

The Peter North of King salmon.....
"You are what you eat..."  by I have no fuckin clue